


If I Could Tell Him

by Rainwater_Apothecary



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Gen, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, coma fic, dude idk, open-ended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:48:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28675458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainwater_Apothecary/pseuds/Rainwater_Apothecary
Summary: Connor Murphy lies in a hospital bed, alone, frozen, and forgotten.Correction: Connor Murphy'sbodylies in a hospital bed while his spirit haunts the hospital at large. Only the blond-haired son of a night nurse can see him.They work out a system.
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 51





	If I Could Tell Him

Apparently death and anxiety have a lot in common.

Or at least that was the first thing that popped into Connor Murphy’s head as he watched Evan Hansen (of all people) leading his kid sister into a chair near his hospital bed. 

“He…He has- He had a lot to tell you.” 

Zoe sniffled and looked up. 

“He did?” 

‘Tell her…Tell her I saw her. I saw the way she scribbled stars on the cuffs of her jeans and on her kicks when she got bored. Those wicked cool streaks in her hair a couple years ago. And… and I knew that she filled out the stupid personality quizzes they put in Seventeen.’ 

Well, when Evan said it it sounded a lot nicer. 

Connor rubbed the back of his neck as he listened to his friend- well that was weird, calling the blond kid he’d spoken to only a handful of times before this whole coma thing put a cramp in his style his _friend_. 

Anyway, Evan made his words sound _nice_. Kind. In a way Connor just wasn’t. 

“…looked really pretty-“ 

Connor swatted him on the back of the head before the blond chuckled to himself and corrected the mistake. 

“You looked pretty _cool_ when you put indigo streaks in your hair.” 

“He did?” Zoe held a hank of her hair to her chest incredulously. 

Sheesh. Was Connor really that much of a shithead? 

“If I could tell her… Tell her everything I see, he said.” 

Evan was going off script. 

The brunette looked up in horror as the living boy took the reins. 

“And though he wanted to talk to you he couldn’t. If I could tell her how much she means to me, he said…” Zoe didn’t understand what Evan looked at, as he looked up in thought. 

But for once he didn’t have to over-think his words. 

For once, Evan Hansen could tell the dead boy how he felt. 

“If I could tell you that you’re everything to me, even though we never spoke. Our circles never overlapped, and it felt like you were a million worlds apart. I loved you though.” The blond looked back down at Zoe Murphy while her brother froze. “But I didn’t even know where to _start_. But I loved you.” 

The blue-eyed boy blinked and looked back at the living girl sheepishly. 

“That’s what he would want you to know. That he loved you. Still does.” 

“He had a shitty way of showing it!” She snapped, emotions a mess from grief. 

Evan just shrugged. 

“That’s just how he was. He _did_ notice though. He did care.” 

Blue eyes flickered up to meet astonished brown. Did he just say what Connor thought he said? 

\- 

“Okay Hansen, fess up.” 

The son of the night nurse looked up from where he was fiddling with a shoelace. The phantom crossed his arms. 

Evan raised an eyebrow. 

“To what, Connor?” 

The brunette sighed and sat down on the bed that held his comatose body. The body that was only on life support because his family could afford his mother’s sentimentality. 

He didn’t even make an impression on the sheets when he sat down. 

“To…To what you said. Not to Zoe, to me.” 

Evan blushed a pretty pink color and looked down. He was all folded up in the hospital’s plastic chair with just enough padding to keep limbs from falling asleep _immediately_ along the back and bottom. 

He looked so small. 

He always looked small. 

“Well yeah. You’re…you’re really cool, Connor. Anybody would notice.” 

Connor raised an eyebrow wryly. 

“Yeah, sure.” 

Blue eyes blazed up to meet his. 

“I mean it, Connor. I l-“ 

The only sound in that hospital room was the whooshing of the oxygen and the beeping of the body’s vitals. 

“Say it.” 

Evan gulped and buried his face in his knees where they were folded into his chest. 

“I- I loved- Love you.” He looked up then, and if Connor hadn’t been sitting down he would have fallen right onto his incorporeal ass. 

“But…But guys like me, I’m- I’m a loser, Ev. Nobody sees me.” 

Evan got up on shaky legs and inched over to where Connor sat beside his body. 

Then he _touched_ him. 

Evan Hansen was holding his body’s hand. It felt warm. 

It felt… 

“ _I_ do, Connor. I always have.” 

_It hurt._

Connor Murphy’s eyes snapped open and he gasped through lungs that hadn’t had to work for themselves in weeks. 

“Get this off- Evan-“ 

The blond boy scurried backwards in shock and pain, calling for his mom above the squeaking of his shoes against the linoleum. 

Connor Murphy had woken up. 

Connor Murphy had failed to kill himself the first time, so he knew how to do it right this time. 

But then…who would see Evan?


End file.
